NEW BLOG!

Yes, I know, it's time. It's beyond time. It's so far past time, you can't even see time anymore. I have officially launched my NEW BLOG! No more blogspot!! (Not that there's anything wrong with that...) So check it out at

kallibarkerblog.com

And feel free to leave me some love. :)

All at McDonald's

Back to WPPI. My first day. After my life jarring moments with Jesh de Rox, I scurried (I’m sure that’s the most accurate word to describe my movements) with all of my luggage to my hotel to check in. I registered, got my room assignment and key, and went off for the search. Once I found my room, I threw my stuff on the bed, used the bathroom, (too much information?), and was out the door again. It was about 11:30am, and I had a breakfast shake at 4:30am, so I was STARVING. I found McDonald’s (see, Nate--I promised), and got my food. I am not one who really needs to eat with people. And my room was just too far away.

TANGENT: I discovered that being by myself can be therapeutic, and began doing it in high school. I’m sure more on my crazy high school days later, but my senior year I didn’t have a TON of friends. I had a few friends in many different social circles, and just hung out with whichever circle I felt like at different times. And sometimes I felt like not hanging out with any of them. So sometimes I would go to Taco Bell, and didn’t want to go through the drive through just to park in the back of some random parking lot to eat by myself; so I would go inside. And ENJOYED it. I also would go to the mall by myself. I found I could go into any store I wanted, stay as long as I wanted, and try on as many things as I wanted. Liberating. I also found that I spent more money that way, because I had to ask the sales associate for an opinion on how I looked. And amazingly, they always thought I looked good. : )

BACK ON TRACK: Anyway, so I was sitting in a general food court area of the casino, scarfing down my food. Probably looking completely disgusting. I saw people looking at me. I get extra sauce--always. It was messy, I was eating way too fast, and I did look disgusting. I accept that. And things normally would have been just fine, but I had just finished my EXPERIENCE with Jesh. And my self was spinning around, totally off kilter. Tears were coming off and on for no explainable reason.

The first thing I saw: A mother was standing in line with her three children. Two boys. One was probably 5, and the other around 8. The mother was looking at the menu, deciding what to get. I have no idea what was going on with those boys, but I saw midway through some sort of argument. (And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there wasn’t even an argument to begin with.) But I saw the older boy bending the hand back of the smaller one to the point of pain. The boy stopped what he was doing when he saw his brother start to whimper, and of course, his mother look. The little boy just buried his head into the leg of his mom. She put her hand on the back of his head, gave “the look” to the older boy, and continued reading the menu. This was obviously normal. (This was normal in my family, too. I’m not trying to condemn anyone.) But I started tearing up. I couldn’t help it. Seeing this little boy. Completely humbled. Complete stripped down. No pride or happiness to speak of. He wasn’t necessarily going to his mom for comfort, but to hide his face. Because he knew that he wasn’t supposed to be crying in public, but he couldn’t help it. His own brother had done this unspeakable hurt to him. And in that moment, it was disgusting. I just wanted to go up to that little boy and give him the attention that no one else was giving him. He deserved it. I wanted to give him a hug, get down on his level and look into his eyes and say, “YOU MATTER! You are beautiful!” (And I would probably use the word “handsome”, so that he didn’t feel like a pansy.)

What a raw emotion. Children have raw emotions like that. And they are beautiful. Even the pain and embarrassment this little boy was feeling was beautiful. Because it was real. And it had the capability of changing a life. My life. I think that is why I love photographing them. Because their faces and body language holds nothing back. They can’t. And I love that.

The second thing I saw: Obviously where I was sitting was facing the McDonald’s ordering and pick-up lines. Again, a mother with three children. One girl was older, I would say 15. The other two children, a boy and a girl, were both around 4 and 5. I wasn’t paying attention until I heard the teenager yell to her mom. I was probably trying to compose myself from the last episode. But the girl yelled, “Mom! No! Come back here!” I looked up and saw the mother walking quickly, but aimlessly, past me in a random direction with a drink in her hand. The teenager, obviously (but sadly) the acting mother, firmly told the two younger children to stay where they were. She ran after her mom. The children stood, backs up against the wall, right in front of the pick-up area. ALONE! People took notice of this. Pain filled the onlooker’s faces. I don’t think it’s unfair to say that the children looked used to this. Standing in a random place by themselves, with lots of strangers around. Just waiting. For their mom. Who wasn’t there. I was so consumed by this scene that I turned to look at the mother and daughter. Unashamed, I had to watch this play out. I didn’t hear what was said, but the mother quickly walked passed me again. Then the daughter, who was holding the drink. Just then their number was called and they picked up their food. The teenage daughter leaned up against the wall, and chuckled. An obvious defensive chuckle. An “I’m hurting, but I want everyone to think this is all okay” kind of chuckle. I wanted those children. Like, I WANTED them. To be mine. To be safe. Warm. Loved. Again tears started to fill my eyes. I put my head down, abnormally close to my hamburger. Trying to hide the tears. Trying to hide the pain that wasn’t really mine. The pain I shared with those children in those moments.

And what I learned: First, what a BLESSING children are. How real they are. How wise. They don’t even have to say anything, and they can teach us, intelligent, educated, authority-filled adults, a thing or two. Or 20. Or 100. These experiences also taught me how much of a photographer I truly am. Or at least I truly am becoming. Because after these initial moments of wanting to squeeze up all these children and put them in my purse, I wanted to PHOTOGRAPH them. Seriously? Yes. Because these experiences that I had can be shared. Through a photograph. So that us as adults, can reconnect with what it is to be a child. How real it actually is. How hard it actually can be. And then us as adults can maybe help them. Or love them. Maybe even love our own a little more.

The Swindlehurst Family

The first thing I have to say is--What a cute little boy! He was so funny, so smiley, and had some of the funniest little quirks. Like, walking like a baby bird, or loving to knock on doors, or growl. (Yes, growl.) I know. Too cute. And, of course, he had to bonk his eye on something the day of the shoot. (I think kids just know that they are going to be getting their pictures taken, which makes a bruise or scratch a prerequisite.)









Okay, FAVE #1:




FAVE #2:


And FAVE #3: I know, I know. I broke my own rules. I was trying for just one favorite per shoot. But it was just not happening for me. Little do you know that by the time we got to mommy and son pictures, he was DONE! He had been such a good sport for so long, but was not interested in posing for any more pictures. And this is where I got these truly candid moments.

The Grow Family

It was so fun to photograph this little family! Little E. wasn't so sure about getting his pictures taken, but he had me laughing the whole time. He has a HUGE personality! And he isn't going to do anything he doesn't want to do. As it should be, I suppose.





This is his little personality at work:








My FAVE image! And when I say "fave", I mean, I am totally, completely, and irrevocably in love with it.

Wright Family

I met this family at another friend's birthday party. They had a couple little boys running around, and another little boy, only 5 weeks old, sleeping in his car seat. So it was fun to be able to meet up again and really get to know the entire family!

When we started out, I tried to introduce myself to the two boys, but they would have none of it. They were so shy just hiding behind mom and dad. I posed the family, put the camera up to my eye, and looked through the lens. I didn't even take a picture. It was time we played a game. After only a few minutes of racing between trees, and finding out they were fast, and I was slow, I had two new best friends. And I dare say we had a BLAST!

So here are a few images from our hang-out/photography session:

Turning a corner

My first class at WPPI was by Jesh de Rox. And all I can say is “Woah.” He has realized a whole new way to photograph. And I was blessed enough to hear it.

He looks at photography as an EXPERIENCE. A good experience. A great experience. A LIFE CHANGING experience. (Even for the poor, unsuspecting man.) It’s not a series of posing and mimicking. His photography sessions are seen as a way to increase love, to protect love, and to cherish love. Even a form of therapy! (I know I sound crazy. But please trust me. I’m not.) I left there off balance when I went in thinking I was balanced. He said that for clients to share their most precious moments with us, as the photographer, we must first share with them. Not lies. Not fake smiles. But the truth.

And that’s when I realized. What I am currently sharing with my clients is at arm’s length. Full of small little lies and fake smiles. If you were to read my blog you would see a person who is pretty much perfect. Always happy, always organized, and on top of everything. Very professional, sure. But I am not in any regular business. Photography isn’t a series of signed contracts and 8 X10’s. It is people’s lives. It is memories. That I am lucky enough to capture. And what I really want to capture is THEM. YOU! And how do I expect you, a stranger to me, to open up your soul and show me what is most precious to you? The love you have for your family? It’s not when I show you my best, cheesy smile, and then a quick glance at my watch to see what time it is. (Not that I ever do that.) I want to be real with you, so in turn, you can be real with me. I understand that I may have to take the first step.

So here is my first step.

WPPI was an adventure. I thought it would be, but I didn’t realize what an impact it would have on me. My world has been turned upside down. Not just my photography world, or my business world, but my WORLD.

I traveled there alone. Nate was in Florida on business, the kids were at my mom’s house. I figured out the airports by myself. (Not like I’ve never been to them before, but I still got turned around.) And if anyone has been to Vegas, it is VERY easy to get disoriented. These casinos are HUGE. And go in every direction. And every direction looks strikingly similar. I woke up at 3:30 Monday morning. I didn’t need to wake up until 4:00, but I was too excited to leave, and I was too distracted by staring at my beautiful daughter who was sharing a bed with me. My flight got in at 7:00am, and my first class started at 8:00am. I grabbed my bags, found a taxi, and told him where I needed to go. I wasn’t going to be able to check in until after my first class, so I had to drag my bags around for a couple hours. Oh, by the way, the MGM Grand is huge, and I was dropped off at the wrong end. I was speed walking in the direction of the conference center. And after walking for about a mile (I wouldn’t doubt it), I got registered and was off to find my class. I asked someone for directions, he quickly gave them to me, I had no idea what he said, and I was off on my way. I followed a huge crowd. And after going up three stories, I found out it was the wrong crowd. So I turned around, and went back down. I had the idea that I wanted to call my husband. Have him tell me where to go. But it wasn’t an option. How the heck would he know? I found someone else that was headed in the direction that I was going in, so we stuck together. (“We“, really meaning I desperately tagged along.) After my class with Jesh, I was off to check in to my hotel. Up an escalator, down an escalator. *Walk, walk, walk.* Up an escalator, down an escalator. *Walk, walk, walk.* Up an escalator, down an escalator. (Not kidding.) *Walk, walk, walk.* I was starving. I was tired. And I was in some serious pain from lugging around all my junk. I was TRYING to follow the signs to registration, but still seemed to get lost. I so desperately wanted my husband. I lean on him. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe that’s a bad thing. Probably both. Normally I just hold his hand and we go. I like that. But today I was on my own. Forced independence.

After my two hour class with Jesh de Rox, I was in tears, as were many others. But before I left, I thought, “I want to be like him.” I wanted to be quiet, confident, pensive. I wanted to have a dry sense of humor like he had.

My last class of the day was with Jasmine Star. She was spunky. A definite California girl. The daughter of a preacher, and she acted like it! Before the class was over, she had everyone shouting out “Amen”, “Word”, and “Truff” (for “truth”). And I thought, “Maybe I should be like that.” Loud, outgoing, hilarious, and confident.

And then I realized. I need to have confidence. In myself. Not confidence in Jesh or Jasmine, or even my husband Nate. I don’t have to be quiet and pensive like Jesh. Or loud and spunky like Jasmine. I CAN‘T. I need--NEED--to be me. But…what does that mean?

So one thing that I have learned from CRAZY WPPI is that I need to find out who I am. More than just holding a hand, walking around blindly. For my BUSINESS. For my ART. For ME. I need to figure out Kalli.

So there you have it. The truth. I don’t always have it all together. I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t even get dressed some days. (Pajamas are soo comfortable, though!) The truth is so stunning! The truth, Jesh said, was not that he has discovered beauty through his photographs, but that he is able to capture what is already there. So my goal is to be more real with myself, and more real with you. And in the process, I dare to say, I think we will get some pretty awesome pictures. Because when I can be me, you can be you. And what a blessing, and an art, that will be to capture. What a crazy correlation, huh?

Cammie's kids

Cammie and I met in 8th grade. We were both new. I was constantly hanging out with my older cousin, when she found a new friend. Who had a little sister. Just my age. Ugh. They forced us to hang out. We didn't like each other too much.

Ha! Great start, I know. But we quickly became best friends, and pretty much stayed that way through high school. We were known as KalliAndCammie. Not Kalli and Cammie. It was one word.

Fast forward life five years and we live in different states and can't get together that often. After high school we had to go our different ways. Funny thing is, we both married red heads. (Woot woot!) Our first children were born 28 days apart, and now we both have sweet little boys as well. When we get together we have a BLAST. Life picks up right where it left off in high school. I seriously LOVE this girl! So when she asked if I could do their family pictures I was like, "Uh. Yeah--duh."

So here are a couple shots that I fell in love with while editing. And since I was just at WPPI, and I took an awesome photoshop class, I had a blast editing these ones in new and different ways.

Pat

First off let me say I loved this lady! I have an incredible fascination with successful women, and Pat definitely fits into this category. She was beautiful, she was great to talk to, and I could have asked her questions for hours. So here are some great pictures to go along with one great woman.

Brooke and Caroline

This is the second time that I've had the opportunity to photograph this little girl. And I am still astounded at how photogenic she is, how well she follows directions, and how patient she is throughout the whole process! Which makes my job easy, and definitely fun.

They had matching outfits made and got their pictures done as a surprise to sweet husband/daddy. And let me be the first to say that he is going to LOVE these!


My favorite image:





There will be more from this session, I am sure. There were so many pictures that I wanted to post! I've just got to edit them all. But as for right now, I am going to bed. COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED! (And yes, it's only 9:00pm.)

Aaah!

After too many LONG days of WAITING. The day finally came. I opened my e-mail this morning, little Zack in my arms. Saw the e-mail from Lawrence Chan, and held my breath while clicking on the message. It was too long of a let down, I thought. He talked about how everyone had great entries, it was hard to choose, he wished he had enough tickets for everyone, etc, etc, etc. "I get it." I thought, "That's okay." I must have been included in the list of people that didn't win a ticket to the WPPI convention. And then at the bottom of the link, it said to click to see the winners.

"Huh, I wonder who won." I also desperately hoped that maybe, just maybe, my name would be listed. I read the first name, the second name... I continued to scroll down. I was set up for disappointment. And then I read, "Kalli Barker". I read it again, "Kalli Barker". I scrolled to the top to make sure I was looking at the winners. Yes, I was. And then I scrolled back down again, "Kalli Barker" was listed among the winners! He quoted part of my post, "You’ve got to HAVE money to MAKE money…lacking in the worldly aspect of moo-la." And then he replied, "I’ve been there, done that. The part that sucks is that it’s true. I like your inexorable determination. See you around in March!" Not until I read the, "See you around in March!" did I fully grasp that I REALLY won and I am REALLY going to WPPI. (And I am just about to look up "inexorable".)

The weirdest, high pitched, "Da-da-da-da-da!" came out of my mouth. (I've been around my babies too much.) And then I ran to grab my phone and call my sweet husband. Who all week was trying to make sure I didn't get too let down if I didn't win. That NOT winning was an option. But it wasn't an option to me. I then called my mom, who sweetly requested that I get Zack sleeping through the night before I drop them by her place.

And now, here I am. Still sitting in my pajamas, a neat seven pages of 10 pt font, 0 margins printed off of all the classes that I have the opportunity to attend. How I will choose, I have no idea.

So here is another wonderful thank you, to Lawrence Chan of Tofurious. Who could have found 10 deserving friends to give his tickets to, but instead opened it up to the world, to complete strangers. It was probably a genious marketing move, and I'm sure his site traffic has gone through the roof. But I am still grateful to his creativity and generosity. SEE YOU IN VEGAS, BABY!

Kyle and Stacy

Before you say, "Oh, look! What a cute couple!" Let me tell you, they're not even dating. Sorry to burst your bubble. But they are great models. And I wouldn't mind if my brother, Kyle, started to date Stacy. She is absolutely gorgeous. Her eyes are breathtaking. She isn't annoying or stuck up. She has perfectly curly hair, and I would love to pick her brain about how she does it. And they could possibly make the cutest of cute babies--which I, of course, could photograph.

So, for all these selfish reasons and more: Kyle, Stacy, think about it.

Oh, Please, Please, Please!

And as my daughter would say, "I willy willy want to..."

This is interesting. Our society, or country, our world.... You've got to already HAVE success to BECOME successful. You've got to BE really good at what you do to BECOME really good at what you do. You've got to HAVE money to MAKE money.

HUH? Am I missing something? And the answer is a big, resounding, YES!

WPPI. The Wedding and Portrait Photographers International. They've got the brains, the talent, the industry's leading edge. And they are sharing it. In March. In Las Vegas. Over "12,000 attendees and 365 exhibitors." Oh how I want to go! I can afford the hotel. Excalibur, right across the street from the MGM Grand (where this is being held.), only $46 a night. No car or taxi needed. I know where the McDonald's is in the Luxor so I can eat cheap to save money. My husband works for an airline (I know, lucky me), so I've got the flight that will get me there. My husband is going to be away on business the entire week, and I was already planning on staying with my mom so she can help out with the children. Voila. Instant babysitter. I've already read through every platform class. Business, Photoshop, Portrait, Lighting, Posing.... (Yes, I'm salivating.) I almost pulled out a piece of paper to map out which classes I would go to and when. (And I still might, just for the rush.)

And then when in my state of bliss, my world cam crashing down. It was like I was running full speed in a race, the wind in my hair, the biggest smile on my face. I was in first place. And then I turned my head for just a minute. Maybe to look at the camera and smile, I'm not really sure why. And SMACK! I ran straight into a brick wall. What is that brick wall? $399 registration fee. Dang.

And who helped me up off the ground, where I laid in a heaping mess? Lawrence Chan of Tofurious. He's got a photography blog where he shares his thoughts and ideas on the wonderful industry of photography. He's even got a blog template that I swear every photographer has. I downloaded it, too. Oops. But I haven't had time to get it up and running yet. He is one of the vendors that is going to be at the Trade Show during the WPPI conference. And he has 10 tickets that he's giving away.

You may be saying, "Oh wow, that's perfect!" And it could be perfect. I would say he is my "knight in shining armor", but I don't think my husband would like that very much. But I'm just one of many vying for one of his coveted tickets. I'll be sending him my post link for consideration. And then I'll be holding my breath until Saturday, when he makes his final decision.

So I'm hoping that Lawrence can be my "Simon Cowell" of American Idol. You know, the show that gives people a chance at fame? For those people that don't have "money to make money." They've just got the talent and the drive. Well, I think I've got the talent and the drive, I'm just lacking in the worldly aspect of moo-la. So please, hand me that ticket so I can run around, jumping up and down like an idiot. Because I will.

Gifts

He spits when he's happy. And next Thursday my little Zack will be 6 months old. What a blessing it is to have him in our lives. Five weeks before he was due, I contracted a serious (intensive care-type serious) pneumonia. After about 24 hours of fighting the breathing and contractions, I went to the doctor, who rushed me over to the hospital. After some tests and x-rays, my OB-GYN said I had the highest white blood cell count she had ever seen, and the radiologist had never seen pneumonia so bad. After they got my vitals stabilized, they couldn't stop the contractions, and we were to welcome our little baby into the world early. All we could do was hope that the pneumonia hadn't reached his little premature lungs. After he was born, the silent infant was handed directly over to the waiting nurses and neonatologist. I held him for about a minute before he was whisked away into the NICU. Whew! All this to say that we had a happy, healthy, 6 lb. 1 oz. baby boy. The hardest part was picking out a name, since we thought we had 5 more weeks to decide. And after 7 days at the hospital, we were able to welcome him into our home. (Only to move two weeks later!) And although our nights are often still sleepless, and both my husband and I are suffering from dizzy-spells brought on my exhaustion, there isn't anywhere I'd rather be or anyone I'd rather be with. What an angel!

Myrtle's Hands

My first impression of Gilda was her utter excitement and complete boldness. She has a goal, and nothing is going to get in her way. Her story:

Gilda (I absolutely love her name) had just started a non-profit in New Orleans when Katrina hit. She them moved to Dallas and that is where she has stayed. Instead of giving up her dreams, she has started again, working from the ground up to rebuild her organization. Myrtle's Hands is a non-profit that helps people in some of the most devestating circumstances. Too often people lose loved ones, and too often these people don't have the money to give them a proper burial. That is where Gilda with Myrtle's Hands comes in. She is striving to raise money to help those less fortunate to bury their dead. They also offer grief counselling.

Gilda confronted me while I was working at Alley's House (see post below) where she works as a cleaning lady. My first thought, sadly, was that I really didn't need more on my plate, and that I had already done my good for the year. But then she told me her story. And her excitement and complete determination shined through, and there is no way I could say no. She is working for such a great cause! And no one can say no to Gilda, I am finding out. And I have loved working with her to reach her goals.

Myrtle's Hands is holding a Bachelor's Auction to raise money. And I had the opportunity to photograph some of those wonderful bachelors for their posters. For just a sneak peak, here are two of the bachelors that are participating in the auction. And what models! They were so fun to work with and we had such a great time. The lucky ladies that bid on these two are in for a great time, no doubt.











I will also be photographing at the event. So for anyone who is going to be in the Dallas area on February 11th, the auction is going to be held at Chocolate Secrets (mmmm) on Oak Lawn. The entrance fee is $25 and is going towards a great charity. So come out! Not to mention all the handsome bachelors that are going to be in attendance! Let me know if anyone is interested, and I can get you some tickets.

Love the Red

This is my little sweetheart of a girl. My brother bought her (and my 5 month old) matching red Vans shoes for Christmas. I immediately saw them and was inspired! My first thought was, "Photoshoot!" So this past week I took her, along with her red bike and a red balloon from my husband's birthday, outside to play. She said, "Mom, let's go outside. But don't bring your camera." Poor girl has grown up being my little model. So many times throughout our days together she hears me say, "Wait right here. I'm going to grab my camera." She is normally very patient with me. So on this day I tried not to make her stop and pose. I let her do her thing, and I just chased her around, camera in hand. Some things are too soon forgotten. And it is my job, as photographer and mother, to make sure that they are remembered. So here is my little girl, riding her very first bike.